Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
