Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
