I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
