She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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