I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My balls are so social today.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
