we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
