Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
