you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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