I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
