Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
