She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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