I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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