I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
