I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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