She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
