I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
honey bunches of taint.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
