YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
