I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dick very happy bro
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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