He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
