Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
