I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
