now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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