Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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