Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
