6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
