So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
