So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
