I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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