As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
