There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
