I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
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Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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