i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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