Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
