You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
