turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
