Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
