I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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