Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
