So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
