just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
