She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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