i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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