I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
