You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
