CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
