she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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