Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
