i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
