Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
