My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
