She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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