Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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