Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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