I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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